I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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