You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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