you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
