I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
nutella sex= disaster
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
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The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
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It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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