he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
