I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
