I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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