We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
