A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
