my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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