my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
