I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
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