Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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