i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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