Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
