omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I am one with the molecules
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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