she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
