Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
