I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
