I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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