Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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