Who wears a wallet chain?!
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
