he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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