Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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