Don't you send me to vm
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
