No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
