you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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