I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
