kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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