I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
