I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
