His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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