I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize