Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
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I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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