Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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