is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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