Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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