I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
