Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
