I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Randomize
