Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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