I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
