My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
He kissed a someone with a penis
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
