Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
My liver is preforming stress tests.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?