can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.