3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?