Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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