i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
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