sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
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I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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