I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
So much puke
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks