hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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