Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
