just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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