...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Pants are for mortals
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
