maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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