i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
