I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
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Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
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If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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