Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
My bed is full of blood and feathers
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
