This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
