I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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