A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize