I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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