Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
