I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
