True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
