I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Randomize
