I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
