We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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