I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
