I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
