I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
