I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
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