his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
