I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
