This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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