"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
