I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
