I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
