We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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